


Ghosting

by noturprxtxg



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Disorder, Character Death, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, References to Depression, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, ghost au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:07:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26548729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noturprxtxg/pseuds/noturprxtxg
Summary: Shuichi wondered how he had gotten here. Standing on the edge of a cliff that he was afraid of and acting so calm. Dragging a stick through the dirt, making random patterns with lines while he decided which should take him first...the sea or hypothermia? How did he get here?Right...it started when he found out he could see ghosts.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 53





	Ghosting

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Anxiety, Suicide and Depression are heavily referenced all throughout this story, please take caution while reading. If you’re not in the best place right now, save this story for later and return to it when you get better. I’d rather you read this while mentally stable than read this when it can affect you poorly. I want my readers to be happy and enjoy my writing, not dread it or cause them pain. Thank you :)
> 
> Hi so I’m back after a month of not updating and you get a story literally no one asked for yaY! 
> 
> I had so much fun writing this, mainly because it helps me vent my own emotions and helps me deal with some experiences haha. Anyways, take caution of the warning, please. Don’t just ignore it, take care of yourself! I love each and every single one of my readers and I don’t want anyone to be hurt by my writing. 
> 
> Now that I’ve reminded you twice, if you’re still here, please enjoy! <3

Shuichi glanced around at his surroundings. It was dark and the mixture of mist and fog obstructed his view. He had a general idea of where he was going, but he couldn't really tell where he was. 

The mist clung to his windbreaker jacket and stuck to his pale skin. It felt sticky and hot despite water usually being the opposite. He scrunched his nose up and he kept walking, leaving a trail of muddy footprints along the way. 

He gently brushed a branch out of his way and it opened up to the sea right in front of him. The seagulls shrieked and flew in circles above the water, begging for food of some kind. Shuichi sat on the edge of the tall cliff, swinging his feet and smiling. 

"I'll be with you soon, my love." He muttered while he looked out above the sea. The humidity was starting to become unbearable and the fog was becoming worse. 

The sun had just started to rise. The orange and yellow mixture of colors painted the horizon, pouring out into the sky above and reflecting off the water. 

He waited just a bit longer and watched the sun rise. His initial smile had turned into a weak frown and he felt the anxiety start to set in...oh god...he was really doing this. He brushed the dirt away from his sides and leaned over to watch it fall into the water. The water that he had failed to realize was licking at the jagged rocks below and looked unforgiving. The water that was practically pitch black and if you fell in...it was over. 

Shuichi scooted away from the cliff and stood up, brushing the dirt off his pants. He paced around, hands stuffed in his pockets. This wasn't him...he wouldn't do this. He racked his brain with explanations...what was he doing here? 

He kicked a pebble into the water this time and watched it bounce off the jagged stones attached to the cliff before splitting and being washed away like it never existed. 

_Like it never existed_

Shuichi felt his eyes sting. All he wanted was to be with someone that made him happy...someone that understood him. He frantically wiped the tears away. He was too far gone to cry about it now. 

He looked out onto the water again. It looked more violent than the last time he had checked. Like the waves were calling out to him, beckoning him to stay a while, maybe even go for a swim…

Shuichi shivered at the thought of the freezing water surrounding him. Engulfing his body and filling his lungs until he sunk to the bottom and hit the ashy sand. He pictured seeing himself struggle underneath the waves, his limp body hitting the rocks until he couldn't fight anymore. 

He watched the fish nibble on his corpse at the bottom of the ocean. The corpse that will never be found because everyone knows you don't go playing along these cliffs...and yet here he was, pacing around and dangling his feet off the edge like it was a game. Like he couldn't slip off and die.

_Like his life didn't matter anymore_

Shuichi took a deep breath and slipped his shoes off. Laying them neatly underneath an old oak tree and draping his jacket on a branch. He felt his body start to shake as the cold morning temperature hit him.

_What would Kokichi say?_

He shook his head vigorously and reminded himself that Kokichi isn't here. They're not together anymore, Kokichi can't say anything. He can't tell Shuichi that he's stupid and wasting his life away. He can't tell him that he has better things in store. He can't tell him he should move on.

He stood by the cliff again. He watched the hungry seagulls fight over food. The violent ocean just as hungry if not more to watch another fall victim to it's intense waves. He squatted down and picked up a stick. He dragged it through the loose dirt and hugged his knees to his chest. 

He wondered how he had gotten here. Standing on the edge of a cliff that he was afraid of and acting so calm. Dragging a stick through the dirt, making random patterns with lines while he decided which should take him first...the sea or hypothermia? _How did I get here?_

_Right...it started when I found out I could see ghosts._

~~~

**_12/14_ **

Shuichi sighed, pulling into the driveway...his driveway. He lived alone but sometimes Kaede would crash at his house after her and Iruma had some stupid fight. Or Maki would stay over to make sure he was taking care of himself properly. 

It seemed like tonight he would be by himself. 

He held the keys in his hands. The keys that seemed like they had been replaced with icicles, they were so cold. He was trying to hurry to get inside but his fingers felt like they were going to fall off. He fumbled with the keys, getting more and more antsy to open the door. 

Lately he had been hearing odd noises in the house. He wished someone would stay with him...but that's embarrassing. He's an adult, not a child. He isn't afraid of weird noises coming from the walls and creaking through the floorboards. Of the random shivers that shoot down his spine and the feeling like someone is watching him…

Yeah...he's not afraid. 

He finally got the key into the hole and turned it ever so slightly before the key was...pushed out? Shuichi made a note to get the locks checked. 

He did it again and it yielded the exact same results. He heard a faint giggling that sounded something close to a horse mixed with a twelve year old boy? He shivered...something wasn't right. 

He glanced around, looking behind him while the creeping paranoia made its way from his boots up his spine. The feeling was unforgettable, like anxiety but ten times worse. It's like feeling if you turn around, someone will kill you but if you don't turn around, they'll also kill you. You're stuck in a terrifyingly deadly situation and no matter what you do, you'll never escape. 

That's how he felt. He felt like someone was after him, itching to kill him. Like they were so hungry for blood that they decided to kill some random kid trying to unlock his front door. 

He fumbled with the keys once more but started on the deadbolt instead this time. He hissed at the keys when they fell out. 

He turned his gaze slowly around, something was definitely watching him and laughing at his failure. Maybe even someone. 

He expected something to be there and to his disappointment there was nothing. Maybe he was just nervous and the keys were shaking out of his hands...yeah that’s it. 

He picked the keys up again, frowning that he had to bend down another time. He looked up and there it was.. 

"Ah..!" Shuichi screamed, dropping the keys he just picked up, “This isn’t funny! Who are you?” 

"What's not funny, Saihara-chan? It's me! Ouma!" The pale figure laughed. Shuichi tensed up, he looked familiar. 

"Ouma-kun..? Didn't you..?" 

"Kill myself? Yep!" He popped the p and laced his arms behind his head, "I went to that old nasty cliff and jumped off! Isn't that fun?" Ouma's eyes lit up, despite them being white and glossed over. Shuichi shivered, 

"Who are you? What kind of sick joke is this?" Shuichi frowned, "It's not funny to make jokes about the dead." He bent over to pick his keys up and awaited a response. 

The figure that resembled Ouma frowned, "Aww! My beloved Saihara-chan doesn't remember me.." 

"Oh, I remember Ouma-kun all right." Shuichi let his voice trail off into a hushed whisper, "He's dead. Whoever you are is not him." 

"C'mon...don't you believe in ghosts!?" 

He stopped in his tracks...ghosts? It's too...convenient. Although it would explain the almost white appearance, the glossy eyes, the shivering feeling he gets in his presence...and the floating, "Your feet aren't touching the ground." He pointed. 

"I told you!" Ouma huffed, "I'm a ghost! G-h-o-s-t!" He spelled it out for Shuichi, like he didn't know what a ghost was. Ouma floated over to him smiling, "Of course, I wouldn't put it past some hot shot detective like you to not believe in them. That's so borinnnnnng though!" He reached out to touch Shuichi's hair. Shuichi felt a sudden cold feeling pass through his head and glanced in Ouma's direction. 

"Your...your hand is through my head." It sounded like his voice was watering. He was freaked out to say the least. 

"Dummy! What don't you understand about me being a ghost! G-h-o-s-t!" He spelled again. 

"I'm not stupid!" Shuichi crossed his arms and moved away from Ouma, "I know what a ghost is!" 

Ouma cocked his head to the side, "Really? It doesn't sound like it, Saihara-chan!" He said with a mocking smile spread across his face. 

Shuichi got a better look at ghost Ouma this time. He remembered in High school he was...sick looking to say the least. He was skinny and pale, like if you breathed on him too hard he would fall over. The completely white demeanor of the ghost didn't help that, although he did look the slightest bit healthier and...happier? 

Ouma was always good at hiding his feelings, though. This could be the metaphorical mask he put on so no one could tell he was too weak to help himself. So no one could tell he was...vulnerable. And why go to Shuichi without an ulterior motive? He really only talked to Miu and Kiibo, when he was alive at least.

"What do you want from me..? We barely even knew each other, if you really are Ouma-kun's ghost." He looked into his glossy eyes. They looked sad and pained, almost. It looked like they were watering. 

"Awww! Do you like my eyes!" Ouma grinned, "It looks like I'm crying 'cause drowning sure isn't fun!" 

Shuichi frowned. He was way too upbeat about the whole death thing, especially for someone who had killed themselves. It made him sad...was he really that happy he died? "Ouma-kun, what do you want?" 

He waved a dismissive hand and twirled around Shuichi's body. There it was again, the cold shivers, "I want..!" Ouma paused, "You!" 

He felt a light blush creep up on his cheeks, "What!?" 

"Yeah! I want your body!" 

"What!?" He said louder and even more embarrassed than before. Ouma really didn't seem affected by it, at all. Shuichi shifted his weight uncomfortably, "I have a um...girlfriend." He lied. 

"Dummy!" Ouma said again in a harsher tone than before, "I've been watching you for weeks, you're lonely as shit!"  
  


It clicked. The noises, the shivering, the paranoid feeling...that was all Ouma, "You!" He pointed, "It was all you!" 

He nodded, as if he was proud of himself, "Finally my beloved guessed it!" 

Shuichi was furious. It was just Ouma wanted to play a prank on him. ...Dead Ouma. 

"You...really are a ghost, aren't you?" Shuichi asked, looking Ouma up and down and fidgeting with the ice cold keys, "Is that what happens in the afterlife?" 

"It depends." Ouma answered, "Of course if you were a really shitty person, you go straight to the underworld! Otherwise you get to choose. If you're able to possess someone within a time limit, you'll get another shot at life." 

Shuichi nodded, "That makes...some sort of sense? It's good for population control, huh?" 

"Yep!" Ouma popped the p again, "One person dies every second, that gets to be a lot of people! Giving them a second chance is more beneficial." 

"So what happens to the people that get possessed? Do they get a-" 

"Nope! They're dead dead, like super dead. They just disappear." Ouma laced his hands around the back of his head, "Soooo, mind giving up your body for me?" 

Shuichi grimaced. He didn't like the way Ouma worded it and he didn't like where this was going. He would have to just give up on his life. All of his detective work, all of his friends and accomplishments...all gone just like that. 

He considered it. No one would miss him and his emotions would be easier to handle. He would be gone, there's no emotions when you're gone. The restless anxiety and the self doubt will all just disappear. There's no one telling you you're not good enough when you're dead. 

He opened his mouth to respond but stopped himself. He needed to think, he couldn't just make a decision based on what his emotions were. He noticed Ouma's expression went from excited to annoyed. Shuichi tried not to pay attention to him, though. 

He had issues with anxiety. It was...pretty bad but he didn't really talk to anyone about it. His uncle told him he would be okay and that he's just overreacting. Shuichi knew he said that to help him so that he didn't have to worry about another thing on top of everything else, but it still made him feel terrible. 

He sighed, still lost in his own thoughts. All of his career advancement would go down the drain, but the anxiety would go away. All of his friends would be sad, but he didn't have to lie awake at night replaying conversations and scenarios until he got the outcome he wanted. He wouldn't have to worry about if he'd be able to make it through the day without crying or about the little things that make him nervous. Car anxiety, speaking to people, all of it would go away. 

Shuichi frowned, at what cost? He would forever exist in the void as just a memory? What difference did it make knowing he could become a ghost with a second chance at life..? 

"C'mon, Saihara-chan! You're taking so long to answer a simple question, just say yes!" He sounded like a little kid. 

"No. I won't let you possess me." He said, slightly hesitant. He didn't know why he said no, there were so many pros to just disappearing and yet here he was, still standing. Staring at a pale ghost that had died a while ago and never got through high school. It made him frown harder. 

_Poor Kokichi..._ He thought, _He never even had the chance to grow up._

Of course, he wasn't a kid. He was just about to graduate High school when he decided to jump. It was the talk of the school but not in a good way...and he couldn't tell if Ouma knew that or not. Instead of them holding assemblies to remember him, rumours and gossip spread faster than a wildfire. He was made into some sort of joke and any living memory of him was practically erased. 

They did hold an assembly, it was to talk about reaching out for help if you needed it. Ouma's name was never even mentioned but everyone knew his death prompted it. He seemed to be considered a disgrace or a taboo subject of some sort. He was used to scare little kids away from the cliff, telling them he was pushed off by some spirits of the forest he angered by being disobedient and disrespectful towards adults and authority. 

Everyone who went to school with him knew they were bullshit excuses to get people to stop talking about the actual problem, which was how he felt so lost he had to kill himself. They distracted people with tall tales and would get onto you if you mentioned the way he actually died, saying it "Scares the children". Shuichi knew they just didn't want to explain why Ouma killed himself. 

Shuichi frowned. If it was Kaede or Maki they would have talked about it. Both of them were pretty popular among the community and cared about, why was Ouma different? 

"Awww! Too bad...I really didn't want to disappear." He frowned, floating away with his back hunched over. 

Shuichi stopped dead in his tracks, "How long do you have left?"

"Exactly a year from today!" He looked at the date on his phone, "You have until December 14th of next year?" 

"Yep!" 

"How come?" 

"Really, Saihara-chan? You don't remember?" Shuichi shook his head. 

_"Today is the day I died, after all…"_

~~~

**_12/21_ **

It had been about a week since Ouma had finally showed up in his ghost form and explained the whole thing to Shuichi, although he will admit he still didn't really get it. From what he gathered Ouma had to possess someone before he disappeared completely and lost his second chance at life. He picked Shuichi for some reason? But Ouma wouldn't tell him why. He'd asked a couple times before and all he got were various nicknames he had made up, or (Ouma's favorite), "Dummy". 

Shuichi tapped the pen to his desk melodically, humming some random tune he'd probably heard Kaede play. Oh man could detective work get boring-

"Hey! Stop that!" Ouma called, crossing his legs and sitting on the edge of the desk, "That's so annoying, y'know!" 

He nodded his head quickly, putting the pen back in the cup and instead tapping his fingers which made a much quieter, dull sound. It wasn't as satisfying. It felt empty...there was no stimulation to it. 

He was itching to grab the pen again when Ouma grabbed it instead. He still thought it was pretty weird he could pick things up, he didn't understand that part either, "Do you have anxiety or something? You're all over the place!" He teased. 

Shuichi didn't respond. He grabbed the pen back and threw it into the cup, frustrated. He huffed sitting back down. He wanted to call him annoying back but he knew that just wasn't right. At least _he_ had morals. 

He noticed a couple of his coworkers staring. Right...he forgot that Ouma was still a ghost. Really only he could see him, which was good. If everyone walked around being able to see ghosts, who knows what kind of havoc the world would be in. 

He waved to them awkwardly and kept looking at the paperwork that was due by the end of the long dreadful day. He set the folder up to cover his mouth, "You have to be careful, you know they can't see you, right?" Shuichi whispered to Ouma. 

"So why do I have to be careful, then!" He reached to knock the cup full of various stationery and writing supplies over. 

Shuichi reached out to grab his hand but quickly remembered that he would just go through him. It seemed that any living thing passed right through ghosts. They had no problem picking up inanimate objects, though. 

Ouma started to tip the cup over and Shuichi held it on the other side. He quickly snatched it away and put it on the other side of the desk, away from him, "You have to be careful because you could get me in trouble!" 

"Sorry, Saihara-chan! I forgot you weren't a ghost like me.." He frowned and crocodile tears formed in his already watery eyes...how did he do that? 

He sighed heavily, "That's a lie…" Shuichi muttered. It seemed to be Ouma's thing, he lied probably more than what's necessary. It did bother him but there were certain things that Shuichi could tell Ouma wasn't lying about. The whole ghost thing? It seemed way too much like an obvious lie to not be the truth...so he believed him. 

"Awww!" Ouma's fake tears quickly dissipated, "You're getting too good at calling my lies! I guess that's what I get for choosing a hot shot detective!" 

Oh yeah, "Hot shot detective" was another nickname he had earned. He was a detective, sure, but he didn't know about the hot shot part. He was sure Ouma just did it to tease him, "Why did you choose me?" He tried asking again. It was worth a shot. 

"I already told you, dummy! You really should get your ears checked." Ouma reached over to hit him over the head but he just felt chills pass through his body. 

He sighed again, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "No you didn't, you've tried this on me before. You avoid answering every single time." 

It looked like Ouma had gotten uncomfortable this time. He was shifting whatever weight he had left as a ghost (Which was probably none) anxiously and biting his lip. Occasionally messing with his fingers. Shuichi guessed he hit a nerve...was it really that bad? 

He looked Ouma up and down once more. It definitely looked a lot more like he had drowned. It made him sad, it was a constant reminder to Ouma that he had done this to himself...but he had already guessed he guilted himself for that anyways. 

Ouma never really answered him, he kept his legs crossed and his fingers moving. He shifted his gaze around the office and Shuichi stared him down. 

“Stop staring at me!” Ouma finally spoke up, slamming his fists on the desk, “It’s like you’re staring straight through me, stop it!” 

It looked like Ouma was throwing a fit like a toddler. It made Shuichi crack a smile, although he thought it was slightly inappropriate for an office setting. He ignored him and went back to his work. 

"Hey! Pay attention to me!" He demanded and threw his fists down again, "You stared at me and now you're acting like everything is normal, weirdo!" 

Ah, another nickname. Weirdo

"Ouma-kun, you're the ghost."

"You don't have to remind me I killed myself!" Ouma spat. Shuichi frowned, was he telling the truth? Was he really that upset by his own death? It was unprompted aside from him mentioning the ghost thing and Ouma has mentioned it a million times before.

"Did I...did I hurt yo-" He was interrupted by Ouma's stupid laugh. 

"Wow, Saihara-chan!" He kept laughing through his own words. It was almost like he was in hysterics. Shuichi raised an eyebrow at him, "Did you really believe that? I wanted to die! I did this to myself!" 

He could see the slightest bit of a pained expression on his face. His features were softened and the laugh he added was forced. He decided not to pry, it seemed like the topic was still sensitive to him. 

It made sense, of course. Ouma had to wake up everyday and reap the consequences of his own actions, actions he probably regretted. He was forced to see everyone else that still had a beating heart and flesh and bones every single day. It was no wonder he had a hard time with the topic. 

Shuichi looked away from him and went back to his work. The atmosphere between them had turned painfully awkward, if there even was an atmosphere. He picked up the very same pen that started this whole thing and started scribbling notes down. 

They weren't work notes, they were notes about Ouma. Notes about his behavior and what seemed to be sensitive topics for him. How the whole ghost and possession thing seemed to work. All of it. 

Ouma seemed to be sticking around him for the most part. Shuichi assumed he was going to stop at nothing to try to let him possess his body. He could be slightly annoying sometimes but it was kind of cool to have a ghost friend. Yeah...it was kind of cool to have a ghost friend. 

He felt bad. Ouma regretted his decisions and now he has a chance at getting a second shot. The only person stopping him is Shuichi. He frowned at the thought. Even though he felt bad, it was Ouma's own choices that got him here. Shuichi shouldn't have to give up his life for that, right?

He thought about it again. The anxiety would be gone and Ouma would have another chance at getting life right...but it wouldn't be Kokichi Ouma. He would be Kokichi Ouma pretending to be Shuichi Saihara. Life would be too exhausting for him to actually enjoy. Ouma would be living a lie. 

He scrunched his face up, Ouma had already been living a lie before, why would he want to do it again? It would only end in the same result...right? Shuichi put his face down on the desk, it was so tiring. 

He checked the time and smiled, though, he was finally off, "C'mon, Ouma-kun. It's time to go home." 

Ouma practically lit up with those words. He jumped off the desk and knocked papers off in the process. Shuichi frowned again. He did a lot of frowning. 

He finally got home, he was so excited. The small house gave him a comfortable place to relax at the end of the day. Sitting at a desk all day and investigating dead bodies did wonders for your health.

He opened the door. He and Ouma had a talk about messing with the keys and luckily he had stopped pushing them out to annoy him. Shuichi was glad, after a long boring day he did not want to deal with that. 

Of course, it didn't stop Ouma from messing with other stuff. Dropping plates randomly, moving pictures slightly to the right, bringing in sticks and various animals on purpose. Finding a squirrel in your toilet (don't worry, it wasn't dead) isn't the most pleasant sight…

Ouma seemed to like playing pranks and messing with things. If there was one thing Shuichi could tell he enjoyed about being a ghost, it was that. Playing pranks, specifically that messed with Shuichi. 

He guessed it was because he was really the only one who would actually catch him, and for some reason Ouma enjoyed that, too. He watched as Ouma floated (?) over to the china cabinet he had in the dining room. 

"Ouma-kun, please don't mess with that...it's my uncles." Shuichi sighed, hanging his coat up on the stand by the door, "If one of those breaks, I'll get in trouble." 

"Why do you have it if it's your uncles..!?" He poked a translucent white finger through the glass. Shuichi flinched, "They were my grandparents, I think..? They're really important to my uncle and he didn't have anywhere else to store them." He stood on the other side of the table, adjacent to the cabinet. 

Ouma gently poked one of the porcelain cups. It turned a bit, circling before staying in its place. Shuichi felt anxiety poke at the walls of his stomach. He was sure the cup was going to tip over and break. He was ready to reach out and catch it before it fell and shattered into a million tiny glass shards. He let out a deep breath when it didn't break. 

It gained a terrifying grin from Ouma. This time Ouma poked the cup a bit harder. The anxiety poked at the walls of his stomach again, but it felt like it was about to pierce through and take over his whole body. He watched the cup spin and slowly start to tip over. It felt like everything went in slow motion. 

Shuichi reached out to catch it, he pulled chairs out of the way and practically tripped over his own two feet trying to get there. He sighed heavily, he thought the cup was going to actually break this time but it returned to its original position, again. 

"Ouma-kun, please, I don't want any of those to break..," He took a shaky breath and continued, "You're making me really nervous.." 

"Awww! I'm making you nervous!" Ouma gently placed his hand on Shuichi's cheek and he backed away, "Do you have anxiety or something..?" 

"You already asked me that and no, I'm undiagnosed." He frowned, furrowing his brows, "I don't have anxiety, please stop bringing it up." 

Ouma matched Shuichi's facial expression, probably mocking him, "You seem pretty nervous all the time!"

"So..? Being nervous and having a mental illness are different." 

"Not when it's excessive, Saihara-chan. Being sad and having depression are different but once you've been in a slump for years it's safe to say you need some mental help." 

He scowled at him, "You haven't even known me for years." 

Ouma shook his head, "That may be true, but it didn't stop me from observing you. It's pretty obvious you're at least nervous on the daily." He stuck a finger up like he was trying to prove a point, "I'm pretty sure I can ask just about anyone and they'll tell me you have anxiety. You're the only one in denial, Saihara-chan." 

The thought of it made him sick, but not in the bad way. He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about how he tricked all these people into believing he had anxiety. He frowned, hard and felt tears sting his eyes. _You're such a fraud, Shuichi._

He turned away from Ouma. He felt embarrassed he was getting emotional over something stupid like and anxiety disorder. There was no way he could have one, it was just nerves. 

“I’m not in denial.” He spat at the ghost, “you’re making false accusations based on nothing less than lies.” 

“You sound so formal, Saihara-Chan! You don’t have to be Mr. Bad-cop with me.” A smirk decorated Ouma’s pale face and he was very obviously doing this for the hell of it. 

“I’m not a cop.” He muttered, crossing his arms. He shooed Ouma away from the china cabinet, just like you would a cat. Luckily it worked and he left the ancient family heirlooms alone. 

A small Christmas tree decorated the counter while a bigger one stood tall in the living room. Shuichi didn’t really decorate or go all out for Christmas, it was all Kaede. 

He bought the small tree at Ouma’s request and Kaede brought him the real one a couple days afterward. They spent time together, decorated the tree and drank hot chocolate while they sang stupid Christmas caroles and danced like no one was watching. 

Ouma teased him about it for days on end, until Shuichi finally convinced him it was embarrassing enough to leave him alone about it. It wasn’t actually embarrassing...kind of…

Regardless, he didn’t really go all out for the holidays, and it was barely even noticeable that Christmas was in 4 days. Sure, people decorated their houses with lights of all kinds and there was all the holiday stuff and- 

Okay so maybe this time of year just wasn’t his favorite. He never really had anyone to spend it with and he did not like parties, which includes the ones Kaede throws specifically for this reason.

_Buzz_

Speak of the devil, it was the invitation for the party on Christmas Eve. Shuichi rolled his eyes, he didn’t mean to be rude but he was just thinking about how he hated going to parties. 

Ouma looked over his shoulder. He could tell because of the sudden cold chill that took over his body, “Ooo~! I didn’t know you liked to party, Saihara-Chan!” 

“I don’t.” He deadpanned, “I don’t usually go to these things.” 

“Aw, isn’t it hosted by your girlfriend, though..?” Ouma looked up at him with innocent, sparkling eyes. Shuichi scoffed, he knew what Ouma was doing. 

“Yeah..! My girlfriend, because you’ve seen us kiss tons of times and we’re super into each other like that.” 

“Oh come on! You don’t have to be rude about it!” He crossed his arms and huffed, puffing his cheeks out and making himself look more like a child than anything, “I was just teasing you!” 

Shuichi smiled, “You look stupid.” 

“You're so mean to me!” There went the crocodile tears. The huge, fake, overdramatized tears. Shuichi rolled his eyes again. 

Ouma paused the tears for a second only to burst out a huge whine and more tears, “I can’t believe I thought we were friends..!” 

“What made you think that..?” 

He watched Ouma’s expression. It wavered, for just a moment. He looked actually hurt but the tears continued, “You’re so mean!! I thought you were my best friend!!” 

Shuichi sighed heavily, rubbing the bridge of his nose like he did when he was stressed, “Ouma-kun we’ve known each other for like a week.” 

The tears immediately stopped. Shuichi had no clue how Ouma did that but it was freaky to say the least...and annoying, “Saihara-Chan we’ve known each other since high school.” 

“No we haven’t, we barely talked at all.” To be fair, he didn’t really remember most of High school but he was sure he wasn’t friends with Ouma. Not in a bad way, they just didn’t have any classes together and he barely hung out with Iruma. 

There it was again, the hurt expression that quickly turned into a smile. Shuichi frowned in response, what was up with that..? 

“Saihara...we were friends.” 

“What..?” 

“You really don’t remember do you..?” 

“I...don’t I’m sorry.” He tried to wrack his brain for memories. Memories of any kind. Him and Ouma hanging out..? Talking to Ouma..? 

He could recall a couple times but it was really just introductions and Shuichi trying not to laugh at his stupid jokes, “You’re lying...aren’t you..?” 

“Yeah, Saihara-Chan! That was just a lie..” His voice seemed to break. He floated over to the couch and sat down, although it seemed like he was still floating...could he not sit..? 

He looked to Ouma again. Something was definitely wrong..was it something he said? Was Ouma not lying? 

Shuichi immediately felt stupid. _Stupid stupid stupid_. He laughed at himself, he just told the kid who killed himself that he didn’t even remember him...great. 

Of course, this was when he finally remembered Ouma. He remembered studying with him to help get his grades up, although Ouma didn’t seem to care about them either way. 

He was smart, Shuichi thought that Ouma could’ve been his tutor, instead. Of course, because his grades were so low Shuichi was told to help him with it. 

If only Ouma cared more about it… 

Shuichi did a double take. No...Ouma did care. It was his mental issues that were holding him back, wasn’t it..? No matter how hard Ouma tried there was always that voice in his head telling him he didn’t matter. He really couldn’t do much to help that. 

They met through tutoring and they became friends. He was probably Ouma’s best friend. 

Oh god he was Ouma’s best friend and he didn’t even remember it. Shuichi sat down next to him on the couch and put his hands in his lap. He was trying not to mess with them. 

_You’re a fuck up_. He reminded himself, _you can’t even remember something as basic as that_. 

“I’m...sorry.” Shuichi muttered, maybe a bit too quiet. 

Ouma smiled, “What for..? Saihara-Chan you didn’t do anything wrong..!” 

Was he wrong..? Did he make up those memories because he felt bad..? Oh god he was really stupid now, “I’m sorry…” He repeated. His face felt hot with embarrassment...and not the good kind. 

His mind wandered again, it tended to do that. _Shuichi you can’t do anything right._

_Maybe you belong as a ghost, too._

_Give yourself up. You’ll be happier that way._

He shook his head vigorously. He knew those thoughts weren’t rational but they felt so...true. It felt so right and comforting, like they belonged. Like it was normal. 

“Saihara-Chan, are you ok..? You already apologized once.” Ouma spoke, but little to no concern could be found. 

He gulped. Shuichi had to find a way to distract himself somehow, he might as well talk to Ouma, “Yeah I’m fine, I’m just cold.” 

“When you're cold you shake your head really hard and apologize..?” Ouma asked, tilting his head slightly and bringing his finger to his cheek. His eyes sparkled, almost like puppy dog eyes. He knew what he was doing. 

Shuichi gave a pitiful smile, “I heard shaking your head can warm up your upper body.” 

“Oh...I guess that makes sense.” He went back to looking empty and sad, just like you would imagine a ghost would, “Are you going to go to that party? Kaede is hosting it, right!?” 

“Ah, I forgot you knew her.” Shuichi smiled for real this time, he felt slightly better with the change of subject, “I don’t think so, I don’t really do parties.” 

“Have you ever even been to one? They’re so much fun!” 

“No...I haven’t. They just don’t seem like something I’d enjoy.” Shuichi kept his hands in his lap. There was no way Ouma would convince him to go. 

Ouma huffed and crossed his arms, pouting again, “Well I want to go!” 

“Have fun with that.” 

“I can’t go unless you go, Saihara-Chan! I’m attached to you, I go wherever you go!” He pouted harder. 

That made sense, actually. He’d never really seen Ouma anywhere except for where he was. He guessed he could still float around in a certain vicinity but couldn’t go past a certain point. It was like they were bound together… 

“C’mon, Saihara-Chan! Live a little!” 

Shuichi couldn’t help but laugh at the irony, “I’m not going, I’m sorry.” 

“Pleaseee! I’m dead. I haven’t been to a party in years! Pleaseeeee Saihara-Chan!! I’ll repay you, pleaseeeee-“ 

“Okay okay! I’ll go! Stop whining, please…” Shuichi covered his ears, just for laughs. 

Ouma tried to wrap his arms around him but they just went straight through. Shuichi stiffened with the freezing feeling, “You know you can’t actually hug me, right..?” 

“Oh no, I totally can! I just like making you cold!” Ouma grinned and actually put his arms around him this time. 

It was weird. The hug felt nice...it felt like he had just gotten a hug for the first time in years. Shuichi happily sighed into the hug, smiling. 

It went quiet afterwards. They sat in happy, calming silence for a while. The radio on in the background playing some random show tunes. 

_It just reminded Shuichi of desperate he was for someone to love him._

**Author's Note:**

> So that was kind of a lot haha! If anyone has any criticism, suggestions, compliments, anything! Please feel free to comment, I love reading and responding to them! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! :)


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